August 30, 2015

Sleep - an Antidote

Today is Sunday, I tell myself. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. For some people, it's a day of rest. For me, it was supposed to be a day of action. And it was. Until I fell asleep at 2:30 in the afternoon for a 'short nap' lasting over 2 hours!

True, I worked out this morning. And met up with a good friend at the gym. Ate healthy food. Some people would say I spent the morning well and productively.

But some people would not be teachers. Because the truth about teachers (except for the sad truth that not all teachers are loved by their students) is that 'there is no rest for the weary' and Sunday is certainly NOT a day of rest. It's a day to prepare!

I have a pile of 'things to do' that fill my invisible to do list (yes, I know, I tell my students to 'write it down, so that it doesn't stay in your head and add to the pressure). I have a busy day tomorrow, including a 'Welcome to the new year drinks session' at school and it's important to be there, to be seen, perhaps it's a way of saying, "by the way, in case you haven't noticed, the school year has begun."

More importantly, I have 4 new classes of over 30 students who are going to meet me for the first time next week, and I have to be prepared, as do they.

And their being prepared depends on me sending them the #*#*&$(#(*&@ information on where they can find everything and what they should do for week one. In short, a domino effect relying on me. Which put me under a tiny itsy bitsy bit of pressure and since I have told myself repeatedly in the past few weeks of vacation - "Keep this feeling of relaxation! Do not fall into stress!" - it seems that I may have reacted by falling asleep.

Hence - sleep - the antidote to stress.

I'm awake now, it's not yet six in the afternoon. I will work efficiently and smoothly and get my stuff done. And I will not blame myself for taking a 'break' - nope - because of the sign above - that negative committee in my head can just agree that sleep was my well deserved medicine for today.

August 10, 2015

Love is Fragile

“What shall I blog about?” I asked T. last night, as we were about to fall asleep.
“Write about love.”
“Hmmm…. “
“Why hmmm?”
“Well, I wouldn’t say I’m the leading expert in love.”

He laughed then, so long and deep that I had to smack him hard in the chops until he finally shut up. Actually, he didn’t laugh, just snorted quietly and gently, and I didn’t hit him, but instead cuddled up and sent lots of mixed messages as I tried to simultaneously think of my blog while enjoying his warmth next to me.

When I was young(er), I fell in love often. It hurt sometimes. But what mostly hurt and confused me was the fact that it never lasted. I was easily infatuated and passionate about someone new. But then after a short while, the other person would gradually show who they really are. Good riddance, real person!

I have no idea where the idea of ‘happily ever after’ was invented. I am not sure I had such great examples in my close vicinity. And yet, as a diehard romantic, I refused to discard that high ideal. Anything less was not worth my time of day. But I also couldn’t stay alone.

This vacation, T. and I spent 3 weeks together, without the kids (who I do love dearly and deeply so that is NOT an issue). And we had only two small (miniature actually) arguments.  And I had one enormous swelling of love and gratitude on a walk through the romantic town of Honfleur and many other brief moments of  “this is good, this is right.” I wasn’t blue, except for the day it was cold and overcast. I wasn’t bored. I didn’t feel angry or overly reflective nor did I have to wonder what he was thinking about. I got to read my books, I got to paint.  I let him do the driving. I addressed the ‘who is going to cook’ issue before it got to me. He read the draft of my book and we had a really good talk about it.

“So, what about the blog?” I asked again this morning.
“Something about ‘finding the balance?’ he suggests.
“I’m really bad at this thing called love,” I remind him, and his reply is strangely pleasing to me.
“But because you are able to distance yourself, you don’t get overly involved and that’s why are able to deal with it sometimes better than I can.”

And then I know I am accepted with my imperfections as I am.
And he is too.
And that works.